The Life of Brian

You know, I think I’ve finally had enough of the reality TV craze. Just when you think those idiots at the network level can’t stoop any lower, they do. Every new reality show that comes out seems to become even more exploitive than the last. I mean, there’s only so much titillation that we need on the airwaves today.

Even the granddaddy of all reality shows — MTV’s "The Real World" — gets by on nothing more than the T & A factor, these days. "Survivor," thankfully, has managed to stay somewhat true to its original concept, but there have been so many other copycat shows that have followed, and each seems to sink lower and lower into the depths of human depravity and showcase the absolute worst in human nature.

There are just some things one just doesn’t want to see on television, especially if there isn’t just a broader purpose behind it. Being provocative is one thing if its showcasing something in a manner that educates or expands horizons. But most reality shows seem to push the limits of good taste these days. What’s really sad is that someone actually gets paid to develop that crap.

Me, I long for the return of the sitcom and the continuing evolution of the drama. Some shows — even venerable dramas like "ER," which was once my favorite show — have run their course and need to go buh-bye. Let’s see something truly original on television, something that sparks the same of type of watercooler discussion that "Dallas" did in its heyday.

Of course, shows like "Desperate Housewives," "Alias" and "Lost" are the exception. I’ve watched all three and like them all. We just need a few more of them and some comedies with the sophistication, humor and consistency of "Friends" or "Cheers." Amen!

Until then, I’m going to catch the few quality shows that are on when I can and stick to my other shows on DVD.

I must be insane…

I finish the run of a summer show at SCT Saturday night, start band camp at Mississippi State on Sunday and still manage to work afternoons at the newspaper during the week. I must be a glutton for punishment.

Strangely, though, I go through this every August. I’ve been doing the summer show at SCT for seven years now, and I love it. In fact, I’m always down when it ends. One of my castmates from this year’s show, who also happens to be a fraternity brother, summed the experience up perfectly on his blog at karyhead.blogspot.com.

But the SCT show’s over now and I’m now in rehearsals of a different sort — teaching drill and marching fundamentals for the 270-member Famous Maroon Band. It’s almost torture for some… spending three hours in the hot sun every morning and three hours being attacked by mosquitoes each night for a week helping college musicians learn the formations that make up the pregame and halftime shows for the year. I’ll admit it’s hot and I sweat A LOT — usually dropping a few pounds during the week — but I love working band camp and helping with the band during the fall. It’s a way for me to give back to my alma mater, and it keeps my slightly-graying head somewhat young.

Band camp, while a lot of work for the students and the staff, is also a lot of fun. As in the “American Pie” movies, plenty goes on that becomes the stuff of stories that begin with Alyson Hannigan’s now-famous line: “This one time, at band camp…”

For example, there are several traditions associated with the FMB, including having the freshman and transfer members of the band — all the newbies — learn the words to “Hail, State” and perform it for the “old heads” at the end of the week. There’s also a little ditty called “The Fire Engine Report” that they learn. The performance of both serves as an initiation of sorts into the FMB and helps maintain a long-standing tradition.

That’s not to say band camp isn’t without its funny moments.
• During the teaching of drill, one of the directors usually says something that can — and usually is — interpreted as something suggestive. During the teaching of the patriotic show a couple of years ago, one director told the band to go back to a previous formation so that a certain alumni assistant — yours truly — could show members of the Army and Air Force ROTC how to propertly unfurl the 40-yard by 20-yard American flag as part of the show’s finale.
I believe the exact phrase was “Go back to the beginning of the ‘Battle Hymn’ set so Brian Hawkins can show the ROTC how to whip it out.” That one is still being talked about.
• The drumline is always good a few shenanigans. One day during the week, the entire percussion section — women included — attends the morning rehearsal dressed in wife-beater tank tops and boxer shorts (usually with the proper undergarments underneath). Others can’t be discussed in great detail, but let’s say they sometimes involve nothing but socks.
• Band members often wear T-shirts with various and sundry band jokes on them, some often VERY suggestive. A few of my favorites include one with the picture of a trumpet or other wind instrument on it that says “Band Camp Blows,” another worn my members of the trombone section that reads “Trombone players do it in seven positions” (if you know anything about trombones, you’ll know why this is funny) and, my personal favorite… “Drummers beat it all day long.”

But these are but a few of the funny things about band camp. Despite perceptions of many that band folks are nerds (OK, some are), band members can throw down with the best of them. In fact, the final marching rehearsal on Friday morning is always a hoot to see how many band members are still smarting from the “ice cream socials” of the previous evening.

It’s gonna be a good year for the FMB this year, and you can bet the funny stuff will keep happening…

I’m sure I’ll have another band camp story for you soon…